That about sums things up.
Anxiety. It sucks.
I get it in the form of not being able to make decisions because my mind races back and forth and back and forth between the options until I become paralyzed. See this post for more detail on that.
I also get it in the form of thinking that I’m screwing everything up. And then I can’t stop focusing on that. I planned something, it didn’t go quite right, we don’t have enough time now, the world is going to end!!!! AND everyone hates me because of it. Tears will stream down my face during this completely insane spiral of thoughts. I most of the time can even recognize that this is crazy, but I can’t stop it.
It’s morning. I’m late for work. I’m looking for the shirt I want to wear. It can’t be found. I begin pacing back and forth and looking in the same spots over and over again. Anger and tears begin to bubble up. The WHOLE DAY will be RUINED if I can’t find this shirt. I can’t possibly wear anything else. I sit on the floor helpless against the emotions and thoughts tearing through my brain. I’m like a hormonal angst filled teenage girl but with more bills to pay and less energy. Why can’t I stop this??
But that’s the thing about anxiety. It’s completely illogical. You can’t stop it. You wish you could but you can’t.
And then of course, my pain all plays into the this anxiety as well. Will it ever go away? What if it doesn’t? How do I make it through the work day without losing it from the pain? Should I take this pill or that? This treatment or that? Does this one work better or that? Is it this one that is causing the awful side effects or that one? Or neither? And it goes on and on and on.
So yeah…anxiety…it sucks.