It’s time again for another installment of….depressing unloading of emotions! I bet you’re all dying to start reading. I bet you just can’t wait. Well, I won’t make you wait any longer…away we go!!
Fudge. I’m sure you all know the word I really mean, but let’s try to keep this PG. Fudge Fudge Fudge. Today it’s not the fibro, but my lower back pain.
Pain is such a vague word. So is hurt. I have pain. It hurts. Those words seem to devalue and belittle the reality of my life. The correct description: a sensation of someone pulling my pelvis apart. Ripping every muscle, tendon, ligament, tissue, and bone apart and then crushing them together…each jagged edge scraping past the other. A sensation of a dull knife plunging through my skin, tearing apart the muscles, and then boring through my bones until they break. The relentless and eternal ache.
To get through a day with this losing battle going on in my body is exhausting. Agony. Torment. I wake up each day with the daunting task of keeping my mind away from the pain. Trying to joke or smile about it to avoid the alternative of crying. Trying to take care of my kids, my students, my home, and myself without completely falling apart. Dragging my battered body here and there until it’s finally time to let it collapse for the night. And then start the struggle all over again the next day.