If you’ve read my blog at all in the past, you would know that I deal with pretty bad chronic pain. There’s no shortage of past blogs that talk about it. Feel free to look back at old ones if you’d like to rehash old depressing thoughts of mine. But now, on to new depressing thoughts of mine! Yay!
Since last year’s SOL challenge, I have gained lots of fun new ailments to add to my already miles long list of crap that riddle my body. Last year it would have been just chronic back pain (for 22 years…and I’m only 36) and fibromyalgia (for 3 years…well only really bad for that long, maybe actually longer). But now, I can add chronic shoulder/neck pain from a bulging disc, chronic tailbone pain, chronic nausea, and migraines. Yippee! Don’t all of those sound exciting?! The last two have been especially delightful. I’ve finally found the cure to chronic back pain! Erm..too bad it’s chronic nausea. Not the best news.
So the nausea and migraines. Those are a new kind of hell, huh? I’m not taking anything away from my back pain. It’s still a pain in my a@$, literally. But these two new maladies have kicked this s%@& up a notch. They have thrown “want to puke and saw my head off” on top of the crap sundae that is my body. What the actual F@%&.
Okay body, you win. I lose, you win. Is it like Wreck it Ralph going on in there? Ralph is all up in there wrecking the hell out of things, pounding the s%&# out of my brain, ripping my stomach apart with his big ham hands, crushing my spine with his big old feet, and that damn Fix it Felix is nowhere to be found. I could use a magical fixing hammer right about now.
The other new affliction that comes with the migraines and the nausea is fear. FEAR. The second the nausea and/or migraine goes away, you’d think you’d be happy. Ding dong the witch is dead, which old witch, that migraine piece of crap!! But, that’s when the fear actually sets in. When is it coming back? How long will I get before one or both of those horrible devils comes to ruin my life again? It could be tomorrow. It could be in an hour. It could be in two weeks. And that is much different than my other chronic pains, which I have every day, all day. While that is absolutely miserable…at least there’s something predictable about it. I will always know that my back, shoulder, and tailbone will feel like crap. When I can’t count on anything else, I can count on that! Isn’t that great! Wait, what? Having a break in the new awfulness is nice, but that fear sucks some fun out of things too.
I know you all want to be me right now.