Trials…and tribulations

It’s been over a year since I had leads shoved up my spine with wires coming out of my body and hooked to a battery pack. So I figured, time to do it again!! Yes, that’s right, it’s time again for another exciting round of SPINAL CORD STIMULATION TRIAL! I just can’t help myself. The IV’s, the excruciating procedural pain for days, the not showering for 8 days…the allure is too strong to resist.

Worrying my kids and stressing out my husband is always at the top of my to-do list. As is laying in bed for 3 or 4 days, miserable, waiting until I can take the next pain med. You know what else is fun? All of the decision making! For this anxious, decision-phobe crazypants, it’s like a dream come true! Does this setting feel better or worse than this setting? Can you tell a difference? Is it better than your regular pain? It’s like the panic riddled visit to the eye doctor….what’s better 1 or 2, 2 or 3, 3 or 4??? I DON’T KNOW!! Only it’s like that…on crack. Because it’s much more subtle and weighs much more heavily on my life. At the eye doctor, you have a minor anxiety attack, choose all of the wrong lenses, and you get the wrong prescription…and they fix it. I decide the wrong thing about this trial…especially if I decide I THINK it worked…then we’re talking major surgery to get this thing permanently implanted somewhere in my body. I’m not sure where…I don’t have a gallbladder anymore, maybe they’ll stick it there? 🙂 Wherever…it’s cutting me open to ram this thing inside. Then if it doesn’t work after all…we just slice you open again and yank it out, no biggie. Wait, what?

The wild anticipation and excitement is almost too much to bare.

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(this gif has the added bonus of being an actress from my FAVORITE show, the Vampire Diaries 🙂 )

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