We made it. Trudging through shelter in homes, school closings, and rushes on toilet paper. 

Here we are, once again at the last day of the challenge. What a surreal time in our history to be having a month long challenge like this. In some ways, this challenge helped us write down our worries and fears in this uncertain and scary time. In some ways, it helped take our minds off of the big stuff going on by writing about something a  thousand miles away from a pandemic. In some ways, it proved difficult to come up with something to write when your mind was so burdened with the weight of the world.

I will say, I’m glad I followed the challenge through to the end as I always do, even though this was probably the most difficult one yet. I’m glad because I can look back in years and see what I was feeling and seeing and experience, both good and bad.

But I will also say that I’m a bit disappointed. I always look forward to this challenge because I love writing and think I’m pretty good at it. I love the time to shine and have other see what I come up with. But this month…it was not my best work. Each day, I just gave just barely as much as I could. And that wasn’t always the best writing. And that makes me sad. But in light of the world happenings, it’s understandable. Sigh.

So good bye to all my fellow March Slicers. We made it. Trudging through shelter in homes, school closings, and rushes on toilet paper.

Happy April.

 

Scared to go to the hospital

Scary evening.

My 6 year old daughter had been having a terrible stomachache all afternoon. She gets chronic benign stomachaches, so I wasn’t too worried at first. I gave her some “tummy candy” (preggie pop drops that I use for my own migraine induced nausea). That usually helps, but an hour later, she was back, looking worse, saying it still hurt. We tried her “pink medicine” (chewable pepcid complete that she takes every day). But it kept going and going no matter what we tried. Each time I checked on her, she said she felt worse. And she just looked worse. These stomach pains seemed to be much more painful than her usual ones. I made beans and rice for dinner (her absolute favorite),and she didn’t want to eat it, which REALLY says something.

Soon, she couldn’t move without moaning in pain. The movement seemed to make it worse. She refused any food for a while, but then eventually ate some toast. But it didn’t make her feel any better. We tried to get her to drink some juice. At first she refused, but when she finally did drink some, after a few seconds, she started screaming in pain and holding her lower left side. I don’t know what exactly the juice could have done, but it was something bad.

As the evening went on, she started yelling in pain more often and crying more inconsolably. Her little face and body looked pained and lethargic. I finally decided that I was going to the ER. A decision I did not take lightly because of what I knew I might be bringing her into at the hospital. But I felt like at this point, I had no choice.

Before going, I instead decided to call the on call doctor at her pediatrician. Upon calling back, she said it did sound concerning, especially with how it hurt to move, she didn’t want to move, and didn’t want to eat. She told us to give it an hour or 2 max, and if it was still that bad (or worse) or a fever started at any time, we should take her in.

By this time, it’s 9pm. She’s usually asleep by now. But she kept saying “I can’t go to bed like this!!!” So to keep an eye on her and because she was probably right, we watched another movie for a bit. A a few minutes in, it seems to slowly ease up. At this point, she looked utterly exhausted and said she wanted to go to bed , which we took as a good sign. My husband carried her up to bed. While tucking her in, she seemed to be moving around with little or no pain, making me feel comfortable in keeping her home and letting her go to sleep. I kissed and hugged her goodnight and reassured her that if it started to hurt at all, she should come and get me.

Thankfully, she slept through the night and is perfectly fine today.

But man, for a while, it was not looking good…my stress level through the roof thinking about what might be wrong with my baby girl. And being scared to take her to a hospital. How terrible that right now, you fear having to go to the hospital because you might get sick 😦 It’s a fear that rides along on every bike ride, scooter ride, or even rough housing at home. My brain is saying please don’t fall and break something, please don’t hurt yourself too badly, please don’t make us have to go to the hospital. Sigh.

For now, I am just happy, relieved, and blessed that little girl seems happy and healthy.

Orthodontic worries

With the closing of dentists and orthodontists, I have no idea when I’ll get to have my next orthodontist appointment. I currently have one scheduled for April 13th, but I’m guessing it will be canceled. That date is already 3 weeks late for my adjustment. Which means that my braces aren’t really doing any work right now. They are just…there.

When I got them on in January of 2019, he told me it would be 10-12 months. As of my last appointment, he said it would be at least another 6 months now. And now…who knows.

I want them off. NOW. My anxiety is quickly rising. I feel trapped in them.

I can feel my bite doing all kinds of weird things. And I can’t do anything about it. And I’m worried if something accidentally happens with them, I can’t go in to get it fixed.

I’m sick of them. I don’t want sore cheeks and poking wires anymore. I just went through an infection a few weeks ago (THANK GOD I got in to get it taken care of before things closed) from an orthodontic implant.

I can’t take it. My mind is racing. Seems like something not to get too upset about, but I am, and I can’t help it. My anxiety does that. Likes to make me worry over things I shouldn’t. But I want them off.

 

Unwanted guest

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After riding high on one of my longest migraine free streaks in well over a year, my migraines decided that since we can’t have other visitors, they could keep me company.

Day 2 in a row of this unwanted guest. Afraid it will stay longer. When it comes to visit, it tends to be a jerk and WAAAAAAY overstay its welcome, for several days. And like the annoying guest that it is, it invites other friends along without asking…its buddy, nausea.

Migraine, please go back to social distancing.

 

 

Accidental eating

With my chronic pain, comes lots of injections. Injections that require sedation. Sedation that requires no eating before I go. My daughter is in afternoon kindergarten, so these appointments have to be after she leaves. So that means no eating until at least 3pm each time.

Have you realized how hard it is to not eat? I’m not talking about that you’re hungry and you really want something. I mean, it’s hard not to ACCIDENTALLY eat. Especially when you have to still make food for other people! How cruel is that?

When making food, you probably don’t even realize that you usually pop a grape into your mouth when you’re getting them ready for your daughter to eat.  Or lick the peanut butter off the knife (or you fingers) after making your son a PB&J. Or mindlessly stick your hand into the French Toast Crunch cereal box and shove a few in your mouth. OR not eat one bite of the delicious popcorn your stinker little daughter asked for when she knew I couldn’t have any!! How amazing of a mom am I that I actually made her that damn popcorn? That smelled amazing. That looked amazing. That I could practically taste! She’s lucky she’s cute. 

Despite it being rather difficult, I am actually always very good about it. There have been some close calls, none worse than during a trip to Aldi before my procedure one day, picking up some produce. As humans do, I planned to eat one grape to make sure they taste okay. I reach out my hand to the grape bag. Pluck a juicy, red one from it’s stem, and…POP IT IN MY MOUTH!!! The second it hits my tongue, alarm bells start sounding in my head. RED ALERT RED ALERT, food in the mouth area! Now luckily, the warning signal went off before I actually bit into the grape. So now I have this full grape in my mouth, which don’t taste bad, but is not super pleasant. WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS GRAPE NOW? Well, you look right, look left, and spit it into a kleenex and then jam it in your purse (Never to be remembered again). Then breathe a sigh of relief that you don’t have to cancel your very hard to get appointment because you at one grape.

Not accidentally eating is hard!

 

The internet is down.

The internet is down.

“Okay, can watch TV?”

The internet is down.

“How about a Mo Willems video?”

The internet is down.

“But what does that have to do with the video?”

The internet is down.

“Okay, we can play games on our tablets, right?”

The internet is down.

“Okay, I’m just going to send a message to my friend then.”

The internet is down.

THE INTERNET IS UP.

6yo sings a song of praise to the internet. 9 yo immediately turns on Youtube (to watch Mo Willems at least).

 

Sigh of relief

I had a chronic pain procedure scheduled for today. I did the left side of my lumbar spine 2 weeks ago and it’s best to do the other side 2-3 weeks later. Except, now the world is infested with plague.

This appointment had been causing my anxiety for over a week. Do I really want to go and put myself near extra germs? And then maybe bring those germs home? Can I really go there and not touch ANYTHING? And also…not breathe? Do I keep the appointment or don’t I? Do I or don’t I? Do I or don’t I? DO I OR DON’T I????

The anxiety really kicked into high gear last night as I read article after article about how the apocalypse is coming and the world will end. I really need to stay off the news and social media. But I didn’t. And so the fear and anxiety I felt before I went to bed was ramped up to 11. And then like an idiot, I read more when I woke up. Ugh.

After reading the panic inducing headlines, I get out of bed and my husband says to me, “How important is this appointment?” The second he said that, I blurted out, “I’ll just cancel it” with an unbridled amount of relief.

After calling and confirming the cancellation, more relief pours over my anxious body. And then I’m able to go on with the rest of my day, with less panic and no worry about what I might have brought home from that place.

And at 2:00pm, when I would have been getting needles stuck in me, I was out on a bike ride with my kids on a beautiful sunny day.