We may not have COVID figured out yet, but I have discovered the cure for horrendous, chronic back pain! It’s genius. It’s groundbreaking. It’s going to change the world for pain patients. Wait for it…wait for it…
The cure for horrendous chronic back is…unrelenting nausea and daily brain boiling migraines! That’s it. That’s all there is to it! Just find a way to get your hands on both of those bad boys and you’ll be able to throw those pain pills away for good! My back has never felt better!
If you have chronic pain but this prescribed cure is not regularly occurring in your body, perhaps you can try some of these ideas:
- Have someone with the stomach flu sneeze on your cereal. Eat those Cheerios right on up, and you’ll be on your way to a great distraction from your pain, wherever it may be…except your stomach. That’s going to be rough. But that’s the point!
- Eat that weird meat that’s been sitting in the back of your refrigerator for the last 6 months. Those fuzzy spots on top…just extra flavor! Down the hatch. It won’t be long now.
- Find a friend who does carpentry and use any number of his tools to saw the top of your head off. Slowly. And just before you’re done, start pulling really hard. That will get that migrainey feeling going strong!
- A blacksmith might be your best friend here. Have him or her fashion you a semi dull sword. Best used when still mostly molten hot. And then just go to town. Be sure to let some of that melted metal fall straight into your brain for extra effect.
You might be tempted to get a bad headache and barfy stomach the old fashioned way…lots of alcohol. And maybe that will work for you! For me, it tends to make my whole body hurt even more, so I shy away from that solution. And well actually, as with many migraineurs, we don’t have to do any of those creative cure inducers because they are already happening inside our body without any help from anyone! Yay! And you guessed it…I’ve had this going on in my melon and my belly during every letter typed for this slice! I do it for my fans.
On to another chronic pain free day!