The cure for chronic back pain!

We may not have COVID figured out yet, but I have discovered the cure for horrendous, chronic back pain! It’s genius. It’s groundbreaking. It’s going to change the world for pain patients. Wait for it…wait for it…

The cure for horrendous chronic back is…unrelenting nausea and daily brain boiling migraines! That’s it. That’s all there is to it! Just find a way to get your hands on both of those bad boys and you’ll be able to throw those pain pills away for good! My back has never felt better!

If you have chronic pain but this prescribed cure is not regularly occurring in your body, perhaps you can try some of these ideas:

  • Have someone with the stomach flu sneeze on your cereal. Eat those Cheerios right on up, and you’ll be on your way to a great distraction from your pain, wherever it may be…except your stomach. That’s going to be rough. But that’s the point!
  • Eat that weird meat that’s been sitting in the back of your refrigerator for the last 6 months. Those fuzzy spots on top…just extra flavor! Down the hatch. It won’t be long now.
  • Find a friend who does carpentry and use any number of his tools to saw the top of your head off. Slowly. And just before you’re done, start pulling really hard. That will get that migrainey feeling going strong!
  • A blacksmith might be your best friend here. Have him or her fashion you a semi dull sword. Best used when still mostly molten hot. And then just go to town. Be sure to let some of that melted metal fall straight into your brain for extra effect.

You might be tempted to get a bad headache and barfy stomach the old fashioned way…lots of alcohol. And maybe that will work for you! For me, it tends to make my whole body hurt even more, so I shy away from that solution. And well actually, as with many migraineurs, we don’t have to do any of those creative cure inducers because they are already happening inside our body without any help from anyone! Yay! And you guessed it…I’ve had this going on in my melon and my belly during every letter typed for this slice! I do it for my fans.

On to another chronic pain free day!

21 thoughts on “The cure for chronic back pain!

  1. Thank you for making me chuckle. I think it is vital to be able to laugh when you are managing chronic pain, otherwise you end up spending your time crying.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks. I just woke up (after not being able to fall asleep last night, hence the late night post). Unfortunately, migraine is still here. Sigh. Hopefully stomach is more cooperative.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. So sorry you are having these issues, but am so glad to read your post. I am thinking you need to write and publish a home remedy book. I am sure many would benefit from the cures you propose. Feel better soon.

    Like

  3. Oh my gosh this is a great slice. I’m so sorry for all of your ailments BUT I am so glad you are finding the humor in life enough to write about it. I also really enjoyed how you added a gif into your blog post. I haven’t tried that yet but I want to! Thank you for the inspiration!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sorry and I understand. I am here, commenting, as I wait for my abortives to kick in. It is so true how pain in your head overrides pain anywhere else. Do you know about the Migraine World Summit that happens virtually each March? I have appreciated being a part of that community, and it’s free. May humor and a positive attitude carry you through (with a side of the right meds).

    Liked by 1 person

  5. OMG! Hilarious! It’s true,, though, right? It makes me wonder how much is biology and how much is stressed induce if the maladies just keeps manifesting in different ways but never two at the same time…

    Liked by 1 person

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