Labor of Love…achieved.

I wrote about it just a few weeks ago. 26 years in the making…And…it’s finally finished! And my daughter is still 7, not 18!

I almost can’t believe it. It has been an incomplete part of my life, for 2/3 of my life. Always needing to be worked on. Always hanging over me as something left to be done. The project that might never be. A idea that may never be realized. An enterprise never to be accomplished.

But it IS finished. It’s not without flaws, with its very pinkness (a choice of my early teens), its imperfectly patched holes (after sudden, horrifying, and heartbreaking unraveling), and its awkwardly snaking periphery. But those unintentionally wavy edges and every stitch in between holds history embedded inside them. Each knot marking out the passing of time.

Run you fingers over the beginning white section, now dulled by time, and you’ll feel the needlework of an insecure 14 year old struggling to fit in. The hands of a 17 year old girl, who found a boy whom she would later marry, crocheted the next several rows. Still more stitches were looped and linked together by a young woman, excited to start her career in music education. A new bride beginning her life with her now husband changed more yarn into blanket. A mama to be moved her needle over more rows. Others stitches were created by the exhausted mommy of one while working full time. Touch the middle knots and feel the work of the fingers of a mama who held her daughter inside her belly.

Then the blanket lay dormant for a while, as it watched us live out our little life. I had decided I would not finish it. I had decided I wanted to just move on to something new. I had decided I wanted new colors that I had picked now, not as a kid.

But…my now 7 year old little girl asked me to give the blanket a second chance (or really a fourth or fifth chance) and breathed new life into it.

And so this labor of love, and work of more than half of a lifetime, received its final stitch from the hands of a mother of 2 kids and a cat. A wife. A daughter. A sister. A friend. A singer. A teacher. A connoisseur of vanilla creme donuts and red beans and rice. A fanatic of The Vampire Diaries and Grey’s Anatomy. A lover of dancing, reading, walking outside, watching TV, and crocheting. She completed it. I completed it.

I cannot contain my excitement and pride over finally, FINALLY finishing this blanket! I’m overjoyed that I can share it with my daughter. She was so surprised and happy to see it. I told her, I may not have known it back then when I was only 14, but it was fated to be hers, even before I knew her. She got teary eyed, as did I.

And now the blanket rests on her reading chair in her room. It has already kept me warm and cozy during our bedtime stories and will for years to come.

Mommy, can you blog about this? A worm’s salvation.

The door is thrust open and scampering footsteps bound closer and louder until they arrive at my side. “Mommy, can you blog about this??”

My 7.5 year old daughter precedes to tell me the story of her kindness towards a worm that her and her brother found struggling for life in the middle of our driveway after a rainstorm. His home, mere feet for you and I, but at least a day’s journey for his small, frail, withering body.

And a dangerous journey it would be. One fraught with hungry spring birds and other animals looking for a morning snack. And as the sun begins to spill over the peak of the house and cast its deadly rays onto the blacktop, I can imagine the horrified screams as the line between light and dark creeps little by little towards him, and his certain, crispy death. He stands no chance.

But he has my daughter. His hero. His champion. My animal loving daughter who wears her heart on her sleeve for all living things. She gingerly places him in her petite little hand (with no hesitation, despite going through a short phase where she didn’t want to touch them anymore) and offers him a short respite in a nearby puddle. He immediately finds relief as he begins to wriggle around to show his gratitude. After a moment, she returns him to her tender palm and gently walks him to a dirt filled area to set him free. He takes a moment, perhaps so say thank you, but then squirms his way across the earth and buries his head into the soil. I can only guess his state of bliss and extreme relief as he returns to his home.

And my daughter is responsible for it all. She gave that little worm his life back. She can’t save them all, but she will always try. Keep saving those worms little one.

Impromptu Fireworks

Her sweet breath on my face.

Her soft, warm cheek against mine.

Her small voice describing each sight. “I like the raining ones. And the exploding ones! Not so much the shaped ones. Oo! Christmas colors!”

The impromptu fireworks continue to shimmer in the sky just over the trees in our front yard.

My arms and back began to ache from the weight of her growing 7.5 year old frame. But I push through the pain to keep the magical moment going as long as I can.

I turn around and witness the same magic happening with my 10.5 year old son on my husband’s hip. Two kids too big to be carried this way, yearning to be held like babes just a little longer. As if this special moment could stop time for a bit, to let their childhoods stretch just a little further.

So there we stood. Our little family of 4. Two giant kids in their parents arms. Watching the glimmering and sparkling light show, as if it were just for us. Just for our family so we could have that special time we needed.

(We live near a golf club and they do fireworks for weddings sometimes. Before covid, we would see fireworks at least once a week. Since covid, this is only the 2nd time we’ve seen them)

See you next year

I was hoping to write something eloquent, clever, gritty, or funny today to end the month. But alas, I didn’t get to my slice this morning, and as the day went on, it only got more and more busy and very stressful. So I’ll just say thank you to everyone who played along this month. Thank you for sharing your slices. I’ve loved reading them. Thank you to everyone who read my slices. And thank you to those who took time to comment. Every view and comment made my heart leap more than you will ever know.

I love writing in here. I love it, and I feel like I’m good at it. And I love sharing my writing. I say every year that I will try to continue on Tuesdays and then life gets in the way and it never happens. But I’ll leave it open. Maybe I’ll try to get some Tuesdays in, here and there.

I wish everyone the best. See you next year!

26 years in the making (let’s hope)

Let’s take a trip back in time. The year is 1995. TLC’s “Waterfalls,” “Mariah Carey’s “Fantasty,” Madonna’s “Take a Bow,” “Montell Jordan’s “This is How We Do It” (come on, you know you loved it!), and Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men’s “One Sweet Day” (very poignantly, but unintentionally released just 3 weeks after the horrific Cary-Grove bus crash in my town) topped the charts.

You could find my high school self sporting chokers, flannels (um, this never went away, as I writing this while wearing one), Steve maddens, scrunchies, a leather jacket, baby doll dresses or short skirts with thigh highs, and round sun glasses. And I saw all of the top three grossing movies “Die Hard With A Vengence,” “Toy Story (first pixar ever!),” and “Apollo 13” in the theater.

Now that you are snuggled in closely with the mid 1990’s, I can share where my story begins.

My aunt was in town from Georgia, and I just loved everything about her. Her southern drawl (even though none of the rest of our family has this accent), her sweet smell, her interest in my teenage life, and her general sense of “coolness.” On one particular day of her visit, Aunt Shelia picked up the yarn from my mom’s current crocheting project and asked me if I wanted to learn how. Like a true teenager, I said yes! Despite many pleas from my own mother to learn.

I felt so special with my aunt nestled close to my side while she showed me how to wrap the yarn through my left fingers while holding the needle in my right. It was easy enough, just a single crochet. But I was mesmerized. Before long I had a couple of rows, and I couldn’t believe I had created something!

We ventured out to Frank’s Nursery and Crafts (one of my favorite stores EVER as a kid and teen. Just thinking about it now is giving me super happy nostalgic feels) to buy yarn for my very first blanket. After eyeing skeins and skeins of every color imaginable, I chose a creamy pink for the bulk of the blanket and white for borders on each end.

We got home, and I went straight to work. Push through, turn, grab, pull through. Push through, turn, grab, pull through. On and on I went. By the time my aunt returned home, I had finished the entire white bottom. I was on a role! I’d be done in no time!

Let’s take a trip back in time. The year is 2005. I was seeing Star Wars Episode 8 and The Chronicles of Narnia in the theater. I was listening to “Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani, “Since You been Gone,” by Kelly Clarkson, and “You and Me,” by Lifehouse….which ended up being in MY WEDDING VIDEO. Because yes, 2005 was the year I got married. And you guessed it, the blanket is not finished. I start joking about how, perhaps, it will be a baby blanket for my first child. And by now I have grown tired of the giant swatch of pink that this blanket has become, so I change it up a bit and get a blue, pink, and white ombre skein. Only further pushing the baby blanket idea. I’ve got a lot to do the year I am getting married, but I’m 1/3 of the way through the blanket. I’ll be done in no time!

Let’s take a trip back in time to…2020. This is going to be a great year! Nothing weird or world ending is going to happen! For some reason I can’t recall any movies or music that came out…hmmm…it’s like the world stopped…but it must just be me. But I’m fairly certain the main fashion craze was pajamas. Anyway, I’m going to work on my blanket again! By now, it may have to be a baby blanket for one of my two CHILDREN’s children, since they are now 10 and 7. Oops, oh well.

Then, wouldn’t you know it, somehow 2020 turned out to be kind of stressful. Weird. So despite having lots of time at home, it fell by the wayside into a poor, tired puddle in the back corner of the family room, collecting dust once more. Until one day, when my 7 year old daughter saw it and said, “Mommy, why don’t you finish it?” I told her I might just give up on it. I don’t even like the colors anymore. It’s not the best/softest yarn. And I’d rather just start something fresh. “But I love it! I would use it!” And that’s when I decided, I had to finish the darn thing. Even if it took 25 years since I first laid fingers on it.

It was meant to be a Christmas present, but with not being able to work on it while she was awake, that made that idea very difficult. But I finished as much as I could and wrapped it in a box. When she opened it, tears came to her eyes, and she said “Awwww….mommy…you didn’t have to do that.” And I cried. It was worth the crazy amount of work I had put into it the last couple months. Literally working on 2/3 of it in the last 2 months, when it took me 25 years to do the first 1/3!!

Unfortunately…it’s still not finished though. It hit a literal snag and parts of it and my sanity began to unravel. I got some of it fixed by a friend and began again. More unraveled, and I attempted to fix it myself. This thing is no longer the masterpiece I had hoped for. It’s got spots that have been stitched over and over to try to get it to stay together. It’s wider in the beginning than towards the ending because of learning how to finish the rows better. And accidentally switching to a smaller needle halfway through. But gosh darnit, I’m going to finish it! It will most certainly be filled with lots of love. Swears and tears too, but lots of love.

I’m really hoping lucky number year 26 is the magic year. It will be pretty amazing when this finally becomes the blanket my daughter and I read under every night. Even if it is when she is 18 😉

Hiking, family of 4

The kids are on spring break. My husband took the day off of work. Now what? I’m not a camper and we don’t often even hike too much other than on flat trails, but I suggest walking/hiking at a forest preserve and the plan unfurls from there.

2 years ago, just the two of us, my husband and I explored Waterfall Glen in Lemont, IL. It was pretty and we had said we should take the kids there sometime. Well, a year go away from us and then, well you know those pesky pandemics and how they like to ruin your fun.

So today was the day. The are back open. The weather is beautiful, if for just a bit extra windy. Off we drove to Waterfall Glen with all 4 of us strapped in the car and loaded with snacks, water, masks, sweatshirts, and towels in case the kids wanted to walk in the river.

The first few minutes on the trail start off the excitement with passing by lots of loudly, ribitting frogs. We continue further where each child acquires their perfect walking stick. No walk or hike is complete without one. We meander through smaller trails through the woods, but end up back on the main trail that heads to the waterfall.

You can hear it coming long before you can see it…from the rush of the water and the yelling excitement of children enjoying their time there. My kids get excited when the arrive. Cool!! It’s so pretty! Now don’t get TOO excited. It’s not THAT big of a waterfall. if measure from the bottom to the top, it’s about 7 feet. But it’s all broken up by rocks and makes for a beautiful site and lovely bubbly sounds.

My daredevil of a daughter has already decided she wants to take her shoes off and wade across the rocks to try to make it all the way around the river and over the water fall. And she pretty much did it! I love her go get em attitude and spirit! My son was staying on the sidelines. Not because that’s where wants to be necessarily but because he’s just too scared to try things sometimes, unfortunately.

After snacking at the water fall, we hiked more, up and down steep sides of the small canyon that nestled the river at its base. I was thankful for the tangle of roots and stones that served as natures staircases to help you climb up or down the hilly elevation.

By the time we made it back to our cars, we were all exhausted. The kids, in unison yell, “Andy’s!” The local frozen custard place down the road. So to Andy’s we navigated.

It was a great day. Spent in nature. Spent with family.

Now I’m ready for a nap.

Snail Mail

In the least year or so, I have taken up writing cards to others. It has become something I really enjoy doing. Imagining what their face looks like when they get real mail in their mailbox that is normally bogged down by bills and junk mail. I know it always makes me happy when I get something like that.

So every so often, I sit down with my growing piles of pretty, cute, and colorful cards and write down short notes to friends who I just feel like saying hi to. Others I know are having a hard time, so I address that a bit while also just spreading some cheer. I send notes of thanks. Thanks for something they did for me. Or just thanks for being a good friend.

Sending some cards has been on my to do list for weeks now, and it kept getting pushed off. So today, after all of our other activities were over, I pulled out my writing bucket and went to work. Kitten, flowers, butterflies, and stripes filled each card I wrote my happy message in. And now I will walk them out out and pop them in the mailbox and do my favorite thing every since I was kid…put the flag up 🙂

And then I begin to wonder when they will arrive at their destinations and how each person will react. It doesn’t matter how. I have already gotten my end of the joy from it.

Anxiety Attack

Fingers flicking.

Face tightening.

Foot tapping.

Leg shaking.

Hair twisting.

Lip biting.

Heart racing.

Hair pulling.

Tears welling.

Temper rising.

Patience snapping.

Mood tanking.

Interaction failing.

Thoughts spinning.

Anger exploding.

Hurting feelings.

Thinking spiraling.

Mind overthinking.

Feelings overriding.

Logic strangled.

Guilt overwhelming.

Thoughts speeding.

Brain frying.

Mind paralyzed.

Anxiety invading and conquering.

Future Slice of lifer??

My sister in law got my 7.5 year old daughter a journal as a little gift today. She was immediately excited when she saw it. “I can like, journal in this??” Yes! I told her. My son chimes in, you know like mom does her blog. You can write in there. I love that they know about my blog challenge and how much I like it. (When my daughter was in preK, for mother’s day, they wrote a “my mommy always…” and she wrote “writes in her blog” and drew a picture of me at my computer 🙂 She worked on it March, so it made sense. So cute though)

She pulls out a pencil and attempts to write, but gets frustrated and says to me, “I don’t know what to write! You have so many good ideas and write about such great stuff!” I told her, ummmm…I wrote about Cheez it’s the other day, lol. Not exactly Shakespeare. It’s not always amazing subjects, just something that strikes you and then you just run with it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

So I listed a few things that I wrote about this month…cheez its, a lamp, a walk, flowers, a song, finding melted candy in my pocket…and she suddenly says, “Oh! I know! I can write about seeing the cardinal in the bush!!” I told her that was great and off she ran to get started.

She doesn’t want me to share her entry because she said it’s meant to be kind of private (but I am so happy she let me read it), but I will just say, it’s so good!! We have been talking about similes because the Ramona book we’ve been reading has a ton of them, and so she used 2 really good ones! “As red as a ruby” and “a mask like a bandit.” (she was okay with me sharing those 2 quotes). So good! And the whole thing had such good voice. And great descriptive words!

I just love that she sat down on her own and wrote a whole page! I love that she is loving writing. I love that she has sensed my love of writing. And I love that she is so good at it! This is not the first thing she has written that I have been impressed with. She has written a few stories that are pretty awesome too!

Maybe she’ll be in our SOLC one of these years 🙂

You hold it together, until you can’t.

Days go by and I endure the pain. The ache. The agony.

Silently. Restrained. Reticent.

The torment, like fire, licks at my flesh and bones, wounding my psyche more with each passing minute.

But I abstain from unloading my burden onto others or even myself.

Instead, I move along. Advance. Survive.

Elbowing the misery to the corners of my mind,

To live. To support. To mother.


The crushing weight of suffering spills over the break wall of tenacity.

The wounds are too vast. The load is too heavy.

My body and spirit crack under the pressure,

Releasing unbridled sobs of suppressed sorrow, pain, and anguish.

Weeping persists as my brain releases turmoil like a release valve on a pressure cooker.

Slowly, the grieving of the past’s abuses recedes,

Sadly, only for it all to begin once again.