From the time my daughter turned about 1 month old and learned how to hold her head up, she was determined to keep it off of our shoulders. No snuggles or hugs for this baby girl. The second you put her to your shoulder and even suggested a cuddle with a light touch on the head, you could feel the strain of her tiny, yet strong muscles pushing back with all of their might. Knowing she would be my last baby, it made me so sad. But there was nothing that could be done. She knew what she wanted and she did NOT want to snuggle!
By the time she turned about 18 months, we had finally broken her spirit some and she started accepting hugs when hurt, and EVERY once in a while, a snuggle for no other reason but for snuggles sake. But it always had to be on her terms. And I relished every embrace she would offer, for I never knew when the next one would be coming!
Now at 5 years old, she will cuddle a little more often. During a movie on the couch, for a few minutes, I will find myself with a little head on my shoulder. I soak in every second, holding still as to not spook her. No matter what, though, after a few minutes, the restless, independent little girl starts to wiggle free. While my heart breaks a little as she moves a few inches away from me, it is also bursting from even the shortest of cuddles.
Yesterday, I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door. I open it to find the smallest member of our family standing in front of me…in all her messy, high, dirty blonde pony tail and same nightgown she has worn the last 97 days straight glory. She reaches out for a hug (yes! you read that right! a hug!) and then utters the most amazing words, “Mommy, will you come cuddle with me??” :O After I got up off the floor, I said yes! I’ll be right there! I quickly threw my clothes on and ran to her room as quickly as I could. I had no idea how long this request was good for, and I didn’t want to miss it!
She sees me, rubs her hand on her bed, “I made a spot for you mommy.” Cue tears. I climbed into her bed and squeezed myself into the tiny space she carved out for me. We laid quietly for only a few minutes. But they were the best minutes in the world.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting 