Saved by the Bell

As I started thinking about what to write about today, the Saved by the Bell graduation/school song suddenly popped into my head, and it would NOT LEAVE. It rolled around in my brain on repeat, and I couldn’t believe that I still knew all of the words! Here is the first verse:

“It seems like only yesterday we started,
But soon we’ll put away our books and pens.
We’ll go on with our lives once we have parted,
But how can we say farewell to our friends?”

It really does feel like it was just yesterday that we started. Someone on Facebook posted a “Goodbye March” meme, and I could hardly believe it! I swear I was just getting excited about this challenge and writing again and catching up with my slice of life friends. And despite having several days throughout the month that I found it difficult to write, be it from lack of ideas, pain, stress, or the busyness of life, I enjoyed being a part of the challenge again and am a little sad it’s ending.

We may not be putting away our books and pens, but our keyboards, laptops, and smart phones will certainly be getting a little rest, as I know that my computer keyboard does not get nearly this much action the rest of the year, lol.

We all will get back to our lives outside the challenge. Many are happy to be able to move on from it. In part, I am too. There have been days that I have felt stressed about having to write and comment. I really enjoy writing, but sometimes HAVING to write can be a bit burdensome. But mostly, I will miss it. I also like that HAVING to write MAKES me write. I love writing. I’m good at it. It brings me joy. And I love sharing it with other people. So I like that push to write. And I enjoyed reading other people’s writing. It’s so interesting how you give the same prompt to everyone and you get so many different things. I loved the poems, the storytelling, the day to day life telling, the journeys. It was all fun to follow along with.

We say farewell to our slice of life friends for another year, but most of us will gather again as next winter slowly starts to thaw and spring begins to pop its head out from under the covers. Just like this year, it will feel like a renewal. A fresh start to a new season. And I look forward to that.

And now I present to you, in the year of their 30th class reunion, the class of 1993’s ever so iconic graduation song. I couldn’t find a video of them actually singing, so the enjoy the picture as well 😉

The online ordering rollercoaster

The search starts. You scour the brick and mortar store shelves to no avail. You scroll and you scroll and you scroll online. You comb through screens and screens of unworthy adversaries to try to find the diamond in the rough. The one that will bring delight to your life.

And then it happens. The stars align. And beams of light burst forth from the phone screen. You’ve found the one that is meant to be a part of your home. That will bring color and happiness to all who enter.

You add to cart, proceed to checkout, and place your order. And then the excitement begins. Soon this one that you searched so long and hard for will be pulling up to your house in that Amazon or UPS truck, ready to deliver joy.

The anticipation builds as the delivery window nears. Will it live up to its expectations? Will I love it as much as I think I will? I just know I will!

And then…ding dong! It’s time! It’s here! The moment I’ve waited for for so long a day and a half (yay Prime shipping) is finally here! The box is on my doorstep!

I run to the door and bring it inside and tear into the box I can tell contains my prize. There it is!! It’s in there!! I pull it out and it’s beautiful! Glorious. EXACTLY what I wanted. I cut the tags off and get ready to put it in its place of honor. And then I see it.

A rip. I pick it up and realize the whole thing is ripped all the way down the middle. They had folded it in the package and it apparently could not take the strain. Elation quickly turns to disappointment, frustration, and impatience. So back in the box it goes. And a new order is made. I’m not super confident that it won’t have the same problem. But I love it so much, I must try again.

Because my front stoop is just too bare and lonely without a welcome mat.

And the cat came back, the very next day (or second)

I get up to leave my office chair. I could be gone 30 minutes or 10 seconds. It doesn’t matter. By the time I come back, she will always be there. Back in her rightful place.

Sometimes, when I come back, she will see me coming and jump up to her perch at the top of my chair. But you know she’s only waiting me out. Waiting for her chance to literally pounce. On her spot.

Usually when I come back, she makes no effort to move. I walked in today and sighed noisily at her, and she made her opinion on the matter very clear when she tucked her head in further into her curled, croissant like statue.

I have come to literally half sit on her sometimes. Even then, she often just lays there behind me. Willing me to be the first one to give and get off the chair. In the end, she usually finally gets annoyed enough to move. Either up to her perch or out of the room. But only for a moment. Because then she’s right back next time, complaining loudly. Tapping my arm. Asking to go on my lap. She supposes it will have to do since I’m in her spot.

But you better believe that the second I leave my chair behind again, she’ll be back there before I can even get to the door.

This mama bear is weary.

This mama bear is weary.

Overwhelmed. Fried.

I love my kids so much and will do whatever needs to be done to keep them safe and happy. And I will keep doing it. I won’t let up. I won’t let them get treated this way. But I’m tired.

Tired of having to defend them from such terrible people. Tired of there being terrible people. And tired of it often being adults. Adults behaving so badly towards my kids. Adults who should be positive people in their lives. Role models. But instead, they are causing stress and anxiety and depressed feelings.

And that is not okay. None of it is okay. Kid or adult. None of it is acceptable.

So I will keep at it. Keep defending them. Keep holding these people accountable. Keep making sure that these people know it is not okay to treat my kids or anyone like this.

Keep mama bearing.

But this mama bear is weary.

It felt like a win

It was the last game of a rough basketball season. Like every game last season, as well, they had not only lost, but had been “slaughtered.” But unlike last year, he had a coach that just seemed determined to lose. To cut the boys off at the knees and not allow them to use any skills they might have. To not let them use the fundamentals of basketball like dribbling (no, they weren’t allowed to dribble!) to make a play (except the one he made that was super predictable and hardly ever worked) or score a basket (they weren’t allowed to shoot unless it was at the end of the nonworking play). And do so all while ridiculing them and never teaching them a damn thing. So after each game, my son came home more and more disappointed.

But then came the last game. We had told our son this before, but he was always afraid of getting yelled at. So this time, we told him that he had nothing to lose. He would never see that coach again (we’ll make sure of that). So just go out there and play basketball. Pass with your teammates when needed. Take shots. Drive towards the basket if it’s open. HAVE FUN.

And have fun they did! My son pulled aggressiveness out of somewhere buried deep inside of him and was just a beast on the floor! He was stealing the ball left and right! He was taking shots. He turned one steal into a fast break and scored! Minutes later, he scored a three pointer! He made an amazing bounce pass under the basket that lead to his teammate scoring. It was an awesome assist! We have never seen him play like this. It was amazing and so much fun! I couldn’t have been prouder.

It was just joyful to watch him and his whole team actually playing basketball. And enjoying themselves! They showed such determination and character by not giving up when they got down by several baskets in the beginning of the game. And you could see that they had just waited all season to finally just PLAY. And enjoy themselves. And they did! It was the first game I had ever seen smiles on their faces.

They didn’t win, but it didn’t matter. It felt like a win. And for them it was a win. A win against a rough season brought on by a terrible coach. But today wasn’t about him. It was about them. Their teamwork. Their perseverance. Their collaboration. Their happiness. It was a fantastic way to end the season. I’m so thrilled for the whole team but especially for my son. I hope this leaves him with a great feeling about basketball.

My peace is more important

I’m struggling with the overthinking part of my anxiety today. The spinning of thoughts. The not being able to let something go. The living in what happened yesterday. The being triggered and angry by yesterday.

But I’m trying my best to use my coping strategies. I’m trying to stay in the present. What happened yesterday isn’t happening to me right now. Yesterday does not get any more space in my head. It doesn’t get any more of my time.

I will just keep repeating all of this to myself over and over today, as needed. And hopefully I can get to a more peaceful and confident place.

Memory Jar

For Christmas, in school, my daughter made was a hand painted “Memory Jar” for us. It’s a mason jar with each side having a painted picture for the different seasons. The attached tag reads, “Starting January 1st, write good things that happen to your family on little pieces of paper. Then on December 31st, open the jar and read all of the amazing memories from 2023!” I happily just turned it from the snowman to the spring flower side. We may still get snow, but I have had enough of that snowman, lol!

I love it this jar and this whole idea. I’ve heard about the idea before but never followed through with it. But now with snowmen, flowers, pumpkin, and palm tree and sun in hand, we’re ready to chronicle our happy memories this year! I’ve been working hard to add some every few weeks, and now there are several little slips of paper in there. We’ve had a great weekend so far, so I just added two from last night and one from last week.

We usually spend New Year’s Eve together as a family of 4. We play video games and board games, have appetizers for dinner, and just generally have really fun family time together. I’m looking forward to adding the reading of these memories to the night. And for now, it’s another way of focusing on the good, which like the list I made yesterday, is a great way of keeping a positive mindset.

Things that make me happy

A list of things that make me happy, in no particular order. It was a good exercise to just keep listing things because it helped make me realize that there are so many things that really do make me happy. And I can look back at this list if I’m feeling down.

So without further ado, the list:

My cat, Ellie

Beans and rice

My heating pad

Crocheting

My husband

Heated car seats

My daughter’s humor

Oreo and Carmel sundaes

My son’s affection and cuddles

White cocoa

My children’s smiles

Bike rides with my son

My Honda CR-V

Movie/TV quotes in conversations

My patio

Pizza and a movie nights

My hummingbird feeder

Movies in bed with my daughter

My friends

Board games with my husband and kids

Bulbs beginning to bloom

My family

Walks outside

Ryan Reynolds

My daughter’s love of bulbs beginning to bloom

Days without migraine

Reading

My purple blanket for the couch

Flowers

The beach

Pajama pants

Time to myself

My bed

Helping with class parties

Ian Somerhalder and Paul Wesley

Grey’s Anatomy and The Vampire Diaries for keeping me company and calming my anxiety.

My power reclining couch

Flannels

After pain and stress, came sleep

In addition to the massive amount of pain I was in yesterday, I had several stressful situations arise. My body and mind had met its limit. They hit a wall. The day was just too much. My body knew it needed rest.

So after pain and stress, came sleep. Lots and lots of sleep.

At 6:15pm, I crawled into my cozy nest of a bed to finally rest my very weary body and mind, and by 6:30pm I was out. And that was it. Wednesday, over.

Alarm went off 12 hours later. Time for Thursday I guess.

Ache.

Ache.

Terrible ache.

It’s tearing me apart.

It bites without warning.

It slices sinew and ligament.

It claws at raw joints and tendons.

It rips apart my insides with its jagged fingers.

It strangles nerves with its barbed grasp.

It crushes bones inside its spiny clutches.

It viciously thrusts its feral talons into tender muscles.

Ache.

Terrible ache.

It’s tearing me apart.