New password cannot be old password

I love that Outlook values my security. It’s great they don’t want a hacker taking over my email. I mean, God forbid someone start sending spam back to the spammers.

I’m trying to get into my spam email account. You know, the one you make so that you can sign up for crap so that your real email doesn’t get bogged down with all that garbage? And so you can get multiple deals when some awesome sale or giveaway needs an email address. Well, I was trying to do just that. I almost ALWAYS have a Kohls % off coupon. But of course, right now when I really need a new toaster oven (just a small fire a few days ago…no biggie), I can’t find any. The only one I do find is one that requires you to sign up with your email. I type it in, hit send, and then remember, I can’t get into that freaking email.

I tried several months ago with the same results as today. It goes something like this:

At this point, I’m fighting this urge:

So I click on “forgot password.” It asks for another email to send a code to. Okay. *click click click* in goes my main email address. Get the code, enter it in. This is when the fun really begins.

1. First and last name, address and phone number (WTF? There’s a phone number and address associated with this email?? Well, I think I created this account in 2003, so…)
2. Father’s middle Name- at least I know this one!
3. Type in other passwords used (grrr…see first meme)
4. Have you used any of these Microsoft products with this account? WHAT?
5. Email addresses of recent senders. This is ridiculous. Let me check my contact list…oh wait I can’t get into my fricking email!
6. Subject lines of recent emails. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?
7. We will email your main address to let you know if you’ve provided enough information to recover your account.- You can save yourself the trouble because I already know you’re going to say no, ya jerks.

And they say no. What more do they want from me?? Birth certificates of my great grandparents? Pictures of all my distinguishing marks? My first born? (today, they can have him! Kidding, kidding…) So now I’m at this point:

I’m pretty sure they are the only ones who can get me into my account at this point.

And then you know if I EVER get into it. They will ask me to make a new password:

UPDATE: OMG, they let me in!! My 3rd try and they let me in! I have been deemed worthy!

Update #2: and the damn email I was looking for isn’t even there.