Which Switch?

Click. Nope. Click. Nope. Click click. Nope nope.

How many clicks does it take to get the lights on over my kitchen table?? No less than 3, for sure.

Upon signing on the last line to make this house our home, little did I know that I would be forever questioning my own intelligence and maybe sanity. You see, on electrical day, the builders apparently decided to have a good laugh on our account when they made ALMOST every light switch in house the backwards. The “almost” is what makes it even worse.

Here’s what I mean…you walk in a room and come across a light switch. A normal human being, who has been turning light switches on and off their whole life, would assume that the switch closest to them would be for the light closest to them. Or in some kind of logical order, like first switch = light, second switch = fan. But naaaah. That’s too easy and no fun! Let’s mess with the owners, until the end of time.

Let’s take a little tour around our house:

Family room = Lamp, overhead light, fan. Cool. Awesome. I can handle this.

Kitchen = kitchen light, hallway light (in another room), lights over the kitchen table. This is the one my brain just refuses to figure out. It has deemed that it makes zero sense and therefore just shuts down when my fingers grab the switches. It typically takes 3-6 clicks to get the correct light on. Every.Single.Time.

Downstairs, guest, and basement bathrooms = lights, fan. Great!

Master bathroom = fan, lights. Yes, opposite to every other bathroom in the house. This swapping of switches is the source of many a startling jumps in the middle of the night when I mean to turn on a light and get a loud fan instead.

Garage = garage lights, attic light. We’re making sense now!

Master bedroom closet = attic light, closet light. Again, opposite to the garage and to all logic. I finally had my husband fix this. But of course, this is when my brain finally decides that it is super smart and finally remembered the right order. So I continue to flip the wrong switch.

All bedrooms have double switches that are on top of each other instead of side by side…

Kid’s bedrooms = lights on top, fan on bottom. Nice, my brain is following this.

Guest room = fan on top, lights on bottom. Of course.

So if you can’t find me, I’m just stuck in my house, trying to turn on the kitchen lights.