Maybe it’s being a mom. Maybe it’s all the meds I’m on for all the crap that’s going on with my body (see yesterday’s blog). Maybe it’s day after day of just fighting all the pain. Probably the fibromyalgia in part. Maybe it’s all of those. Maybe it’s none of those. But oh my ever loving caffeine drip, am I tired.
Ha, tired. That word is a pitiful explanation of how I feel right now. More like, crippled with exhaustion. Epically depleted. Barely conscious. Practically narcoleptic. And unfortunately, no amount of sleep can put more gas in the tank. I usually get at least 8 hours of sleep. Often more. It doesn’t seem to matter. I’m still always about to fall asleep anyway. No matter what I’m doing. Playing with my daughter. Typing this blog. When I was teaching, I would even start to nod off while talking in front of the class!! I’d have to keep snacks at my desk and go take a bite to try to wake myself up. It was bad. It’s not this bad every single day, but many, many days it is.
How do you function in the world when all you want to do is climb back in your bed and go to sleep? When your 4 year old daughter wants to play and you fall asleep on the couch? And if I try to stay awake, then I just feel awwwwwwful. You know, that horrible feeling you have when you’re up way too late and you really should go to sleep but you keep yourself awake? That’s me…all day long. Add in pain, nausea, and migraines and it’s a recipe for just the best day ever…no, not really.
I hate it. I hate feeling this way. I want to be a part of the land of the living. Not a zombie.
So let’s see if I can make it through my d…zzzzzzzz