Maybe it’s being a mom. Maybe it’s all the meds I’m on for all the crap that’s going on with my body (see yesterday’s blog). Maybe it’s day after day of just fighting all the pain. Probably the fibromyalgia in part. Maybe it’s all of those. Maybe it’s none of those. But oh my ever loving caffeine drip, am I tired.
Ha, tired. That word is a pitiful explanation of how I feel right now. More like, crippled with exhaustion. Epically depleted. Barely conscious. Practically narcoleptic. And unfortunately, no amount of sleep can put more gas in the tank. I usually get at least 8 hours of sleep. Often more. It doesn’t seem to matter. I’m still always about to fall asleep anyway. No matter what I’m doing. Playing with my daughter. Typing this blog. When I was teaching, I would even start to nod off while talking in front of the class!! I’d have to keep snacks at my desk and go take a bite to try to wake myself up. It was bad. It’s not this bad every single day, but many, many days it is.
How do you function in the world when all you want to do is climb back in your bed and go to sleep? When your 4 year old daughter wants to play and you fall asleep on the couch? And if I try to stay awake, then I just feel awwwwwwful. You know, that horrible feeling you have when you’re up way too late and you really should go to sleep but you keep yourself awake? That’s me…all day long. Add in pain, nausea, and migraines and it’s a recipe for just the best day ever…no, not really.
I hate it. I hate feeling this way. I want to be a part of the land of the living. Not a zombie.
So let’s see if I can make it through my d…zzzzzzzz
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting 
Wow. Your blog is a testament to the willpower it takes for someone with fibromyalgia, nausea, headaches, fatigue and MORE to show up each day. Just know that you ARE showing up. You are teaching. You are mom-ing. You are wife-ing…You are wearing multiple hats.
You are giving the very best version of you possible.
So in essence, you are showing up. It counts. I promise.
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Well, I’m actually not teaching right now. I took this year off because it was finally all getting to be too much. I needed time to rest (although I can only do so much resting with 2 kids!) and try ore treatments that I just don’t have time to do while also working. Unfortunately, I just feel worse now 😦
Thank you for these words though. They really mean a lot.
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I stupidly assumed (b/c you were doing the challenge) that you were back to work. Sorry 😔. I wish for you a year of medical answers and quality time with your littles. Hang in there lady! And remember.. you showed up here!
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Yeah, I decided to do the challenge anyway just because I enjoy it so much.
Thanks again.
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I can feel the pain this sense of tired to the point of exhaustion is causing you. I hope you are able to find relief. You are right though, sometimes tired can’t even begin to describe how you feel.
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I give you credit for fighting back and not caving to the pain. You are strong! Hopefully there is someone out there who can get to the root of these problems.
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I wish there was an answer. I wish there was a doctor out there who knew how to fix me. But there isn’t. There’s no cure for fibro. There is no explanation for my back pain. The only thing I can hope for is help with the migraines. It sounds defeatist. But it’s the truth.
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I feel your pain! I also have fibromyalgia along with spinal stenosis, two knees that need replacing, and hip bursitis. Don’t be so hard on yourself, no one can understand the fatigue that comes with fibromyalgia until it is experienced first hand. My suggestion for your migraines is to see a chiropractor. It changed my life.
Take it a day at a time…an hour at a time. Be kind to yourself.
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