Never Wake a Sleeping Beast, aka 4.5 year old

It’s the classic scenario. When you have nothing to do, they never nap for you. When you need to be somewhere, they will nap for exactly 7.87 hours. And you needed to be at that place 4.38 hours ago.

So she did that today. She said she was sleepy. And I guess she was. I brought her up to her purple room with flowers and butterflies that I am super jealous of and want for myself. She climbed up into her sheets that almost caused her head to explode last night because they are “PURPLE HEARTS!!!!” I tucked her in, gave her a little kiss on the forehead, and walked out of the room.

She puts on a good show. She always looks like she’s going to drift off into slumberland, but usually, not 3 steps down the stairs, I start hearing singing or talking to her stuffed animals. Whatever. She’s out of my hair for a little while. But today. I walk away…and…nothing. It’s not like it never happens. She does still fall asleep sometimes. The other day, she slept for 3 hours! I had to wake her up at 5:30 p.m. just so she didn’t sleep til bedtime!

So she slept. I rested. But I had plans to pick something up at a store by 5:00 p.m. when it closed. When my son got home at 4:00, we were going to pile in the car, pick the stuff up, stop at Kohls to get him some new shoes (what the heck do kids do to their shoes??!! These are only a few months old and they were literally falling off of his feet), and head home.

Fast forward to 4:30, when she is still sleeping. I now have to wake her up or we’ll never make it to the store by 5:00. I walk in to see her PASSED OUT. It’s sweet for sure. Snuggling her black and white kitty all warm under her blanket. I hate to have to wreck that. I climb into bed with her because I don’t often get this kind of opportunity to snuggle with her in bed!

It goes okay at first. Theeeeeen not so okay. The beast is awakening. Slow at first but it ramps up quickly. The growls and clawing begin first. They are quiet, low, and slow at first, offering a warning to those nearby that something wicked this way comes…very soon. The growls evolved quickly into screeching and thrashing and have spooked me off the bed. They are ferocious and fierce. I’ve only seen her like this once, maybe twice. She may have been taken over by a demon. I’m not sure.

So now I’m pleading with my 4.5 year old demon child to get changed (because oh yeah, she went to sleep in her bathing suit. awesome.) as quickly as possible, because you know, she’s totally rational. Because I’m the one who woke her up, I offer up a lollipop as a peace offering. It doesn’t work at first, but it eventually casts the demon out, and I see peaks of my daughter in there again. I still have to wrestle her to get her underwear, pants and socks on, which of course all parents know is like trying to dress an feral cat. Then I have to carry her downstairs (and I have a wrist brace on, so that’s not super comfy). She’s ALMOST calm and then of course, she hurts herself getting her shoes on. The scream/crying starts again.

We’re finally all in the car, and I go speeding down the road. I’m trying to turn into the parking lot, but it’s rush hour. And there’s no light. So I’m at the mercy of all these cars. And then I see the woman walk out of the store and lock the door. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I did not just wake up that wild beast child, wrestle her to the ground, hoist her down the stairs, and break the sound barrier to get here for you to close your door while I can see you from the road!

Luckily, I knocked, they let me in, I got what I needed, my heart rate slowed down, and everyone lived happily ever after.

But never, ever, EVER wake the sleeping Beast…aka 4.5 year old.